She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
