If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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