She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
