He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
