i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
