why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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