Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
