we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
