So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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