i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
