ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
