where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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