I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So many bounce houses so little time
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
