I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
