I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
