Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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