I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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