After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize