so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
