she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
