Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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