Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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