Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
