OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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