Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
