Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
