I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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