Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
