I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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