Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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