i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
