okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
