Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
birth control should be required to get into college
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
