What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
