when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
