That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
