True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
