its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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