when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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