At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
