Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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