Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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