Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
