It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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