I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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