I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
