i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
