Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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