How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
