Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
