I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
