drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
