Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
then he tried to convert me to islam
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
