no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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