do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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