Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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