Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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