Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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