At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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