On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
