He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
