I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
