the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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