I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
