is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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