brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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