i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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