True but thats because hes a fetus.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We left an ass print on the piano.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
