she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
