my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
