I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
